Thursday, September 26, 2013

If This Isn't Hell...


Well...um...what year is it? Serious question.

Whatthewhat...I just looked at the little dashboard thingy on my computer. Again...whatthewhat. It appears that it's been over a year. A lot over. So yeah...I'm kinda freaking out here, and I'll bet you're completely lost...sorry about that. Just trying to figure this out.

Lets back up about a year. It was roughly a week after you last heard from me. I had posted about my attempt at hibernation if you forgot. Anyways, feeling refreshed, and incredibly bored, I began to devise a new scheme. One that would blow my past plans of hotdog cart theft completely out of the water, my toilet flushing, though genius, was little to nothing in comparison. This. This would be the deed of ages. World leaders would hunt me down, I might even m
ake a few international hit lists. This plan was so diabolical that I legitimately have difficultly remembering what it was so give me a minute here.
Right. Evil plan. I just reviewed my notes, to paraphrase, by evil plot was to attempt to unleash the hoard of Hell, bend them to my will, and use their power to enslave humanity. One of those steps went horribly wrong.
Now, fortunately that step was not bending them to my will...that could have been pretty bad. Remember kids, black magic is no joke. And the spirits don't appreciate you taking it as such. But, I digress, my plan went awry in this manner: Hell is not nearly as accessible as the Black Book seemed to indicate. In fact, I question whether or not the Black Book was even the book that I was looking for. To be honest I don't remember anything past posting my last blog post. Everything here is being gathered from my notes. Which fortunately are highly detailed and neatly written...except for the one part. But it's easy to tell that it's just "Hell" ...erm, or "Help" One of the two. Either way. I used a lot of exclamation points so it's easy to assume that it was pretty intense.
But as I was saying. I never opened Hell. Looking through the Black Book now, I don't even know why I assumed that it would do that. It's not even loosely pertaining to that. Although, there is a lot of mention of "hellish" and "like hell" I can see where I would have messed up.
Either way, what it looks like I was doing was opening a portal of sorts. And then going through the portal. According to my notes I have kept the portal perpetually open since I left, but at a low power level. Only so much to allow my laptop to connect with my router at home for the purpose of keeping this blog updated. Beyond that my notes end. I am currently it a dark, musty smelling cave. Roots are growing through the walls in a manner that makes me assume I am directly beneath a large tree...Hold up. I hear something. Let me go check it out.

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