Monday, May 14th, 2012
It's all over, this is how it went down. *Queue dramatic music*
"It is finished!" I laughed, my voice thick with maniacal evil, as I unfurled my latest creation. The Molecular Transport Ray of Doom stood there, gleaming in the eerie light of the eerie lights I'd placed above it. My next task was to properly program everything, it would be a travesty if I shot the tower and it landed on my apartment or something. The programming, fortunately, only took me around an hour, leaving plenty of time for me to get it onto the roof with the Distraction Ray of Doom and give it a test run.
After I finished the programming I came across a very serious dilemma. The Distraction Ray of Doom had weighed around two hundred pounds and was complete with wheels and everything. So it had been fairly easy to get up to the roof. I'd forgotten to include the wheels on this, and it weighed around four hundred pounds, there was no possible way for me to bring it up myself. As far as I knew, there was only one option open to me.
I awkwardly stood by my neighbor's door and knocked. For a few moments there was silence, but then I heard the sound of heavy stomping and the door was hurled open by one of the largest men I knew. He had to be at least six and a half feet tall and half as wide. Not with fat mind you, I'm almost certain he was some sort of construction worker…doing community service.
"What do you want?" He grumbled.
"Hey buddy!" I attempted a convincing smile, but it always turns out twist, evil, and somewhat mocking. While that's generally pretty useful…not always. "I need a little help lifting something up onto the roof."
He raised one of his beefy eyebrows and then spoke in his low grumbling voice, "You know I'm out of the business Wikkins. I applied for the HHH last week. But apparently I need to finish community service first." It would probably be good to mention here that this fellow, Irving by name, was actually my counter part in evil when we were both young and reckless. Only about a year ago he was caught and forced into community service…and it did things to him. Mainly I noticed more flowers around his place and he skipped significantly more. I'm praying for insanity.
"I know I know, I just need a little help carrying something." I said.
"I don't know…Wouldn't that make me an accomplice in evil?" He looked a little confused.
"Of course not! Carrying stuff isn't evil. All you'll be doing is carrying a large item that will be covered in a tarp up to the roof. It'll be easy, and since you don't even know what you're carrying it's completely harmless!" I gave a winning smile that ended up looking more like a grimace.
He sighed deeply, "I guess so."
"Good!" I grabbed his arm and pulled him to my lair. "Hold here a minute, I need to go cover it up."
Within the next twenty minutes the Molecular Transport Ray of Doom was up on the roof right next to the Distraction Ray.
I chuckled maniacally. Things were falling into place perfectly. I even had time to bring my trap for Percy up, I'll keep that one a surprise though.
I spent around ten minutes trouble shooting my machine, i.e. sending rocks into the sun, and someone's cell phone that they'd left here. My plan was ready for execution.
And I think I'll end it here. Turns out there's a bit to much story to fit nicely into one blog post. So I'll be back with the rest in two days time! Meanwhile you may wait in tearful suspense. BWAHAHA