Wednesday, May 16, 2012

The Call of the Platypus (Blog Post of Evil #12)

And this is it! I mean it this time…seriously. This will be the last one about the Bumbly Tower. Lets begin…right after I get some coffee and a bandaid…okay, now lets get going. 

Chuckling evilly, I aimed the ray. Within a few seconds everything was properly lined up and I was just about ready. I fired off the Distraction Ray of Doom, within seconds I could here the citizens walking off towards the park. I sat down in a lawn chair I'd brought up, as soon as everyone was properly distracted I would commence my nefarious plan. It was around ten or so minutes before I deemed everyone to be away. Snickering to myself, I got to my feet and walked towards my machine. But I was prevented. Standing between me and my key to victory was the only bandanna clad platypus I knew, Percy. 
"Percy! You're here, and you also happen to be standing exactly where I laid my trap!" I pulled a remote out of my pocket and hit the button in the middle. However, when I looked the cage that had opened up from the floor was completely empty. "Percy?" I asked, wondering where he'd gone.
From off to the left I heard a sort of growling noise…the call of the platypus. I looked, Percy had side stepped the cage, in retrospect I probably shouldn't have told him about it before trying to trap him. 
"It's to late Percy, give it up!" I rushed forward, determined to press that button. 
Percy leapt at me and landed a flying kick on the side of my head, for his size Percy was very dense, not something I quite expected, which was kinda sad since I'd been kicked by him many times before. I was thrown to the side of the roof, ten feet away from my machine.
Now, being the genius that I am I had installed several traps. Without a word to Percy I whipped a remote out of my pocket and hit the button sending my out Platypus Tracking Laser of Doom after the unfortunate Monotreme. 
The laser caught up to the semi-aquatic mammal and ensnared him in a cage made entirely out of light. I was quite proud of this invention, they work great for laundry bags, since they don't weigh anything and all. 
Percy gave an agitated growl. "Ha!"I sneered, "You're trapped now my little friend. Now, watch as I unfold to the world the magnitude of my evil!" Here I gave another maniacal laugh and hit another button on my remote, which triggered my weather control device to make lightening flash around me. It was a pretty neat effect.
I moved forward to hit the button, but suddenly I stopped. I sent had hit my nose, a sort of cheesy aroma. It was irresistible, which was strange because I'd never been a big fan of cheese. But I looked behind me to see Percy holding a fragrant slice of cheese. I don't know what had gotten into me…but I needed that cheese. I though back to what could have caused this, when I remembered that in my last blog post I'd fallen into some chemicals…that must've been it. 
I turned for a second to look at the button, it was so close. I had to hit it…but the cheese. I simply couldn't resist. I hit a button that released Percy, and then jumped him. We must've made an odd sight. A grown man wrestling a platypus to the ground for a piece of cheese. Despite Percy's disproportionate strength my new found passion for cheese was greater. I knocked the platypus to the ground and grabbed the little slice of heaven. Stuffing it into my mouth I rushed to the button, but Percy beat me. He stood triumphantly at top the machine, I then, ignoring all of my cheesy desires hurled the remainder of my slice at the furry creature. It was a perfect hit, right as he was stumbling I smacked my hand down on the button. There was a grumble and a roar as the machine fired into life. I laughed evilly, queuing the lightening again. I turned to walk off when the webbed foot of Percy knocked me to the ground. There was the sound of metal being ripped and a blinding flash of light as Percy tore frantically at the machine. 
"What are you doing?" I screamed, radiation was pouring out of the machine along with some sort of green slime. The last thing I remember was the sight of Percy leaping off of the building into the air as my Molecular Transport Ray of Doom imploded into a miniature black hole which swiftly sent itself into another dimension.
I woke up on the roof with a horrible head ache, and I'm almost certain I had a third arm (it fell off a few hours later) to my dismay out in the distance I could see the Bumbly Tower, or at least most of it. There was a large gapping hole in the middle, but aside from that it was all there. So I think it would be safe to say that Percy won this round. Now I need to think of something new before the League of Violent Evil finds out.

Until next time my friends.

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