Sunday, April 29th 2012
Greetings to the masses who follow my evil…or rather…greetings to the few elite who follow my evil exploits of villainy! You are indeed a lucky person, for today I relate the story of how I, E. Wikkins, captured the wily …Someone the Platypus…I really need to figure out what his name is. Anyways, I shall now relate to you the story of how I, E. Wikkins, captured the wily…you get the idea.
The trap I set for…you know what, I'm gonna call him Percy. The trap that I set for Percy the Platypus was rather ingenious if I do say so myself. Here's how it worked: First, when Percy breaks through the roof he would land on a large red X on the floor. This would trigger a pressure plate, which would hit a button. This button would activate my Evil Space Laser of Doom, which would fire a laser into space, bounce off the satellite I placed a few days ago, this will fulfill two purposes: Firstly it will bounce back, hit a small mirror, and then melt a rope, which will drop a metal cage on top of Percy. Secondly, it will go through a prism after cutting the rope. This will split the beam so that it goes through two separate Amplifiers of Doom which will then combine the beams into one incredibly large laser. This I will use to destroy all of the taco joints in town! WAHAHA! Very evil. Now all there is to do is wait for my nemesis to arrive.
I sat and waited for a few hours, Percy was quite unfashionably late. Not only that but his timing was awful. I was just beginning my lunch when I heard a crash. I dropped my delicious ham, cheese, and evil sandwich in surprise and leapt to my feet. Percy had broken through the ceiling and landed on the X.
"Stop!" I shouted to him as he prepared to walk forward to thwart me.
He froze. I looked off to my right where I kept the laser charge meter, in retrospect I should have been charging the laser while I was waiting for Percy to come.
"Just hold there for a minute would you?" I asked politely, offering him a glass of lemonade.
He gave a strange platypus-like sound and accepted my offer. Sitting himself down on the X he started sipping his lemonade.
I pulled up a chair and sat down a few feet away from him, waiting for the laser to charge.
"So, Percy." I began, beginning to get bored.
He looked up at me and gave a confused platypus sound.
"Ah yes, you see. I decided to call you Percy, since I have no actual name for you."
He pulled out an I.D. Card and showed it to me. On it was "Agent E. Eugene Platypus"
"That's a disgusting name!" I said, aghast. I shall call you Percy. It's far better, I don't want a nemesis named Eugene!"
I shook my head and got to my feet. The laser would be done in just a few seconds. "Hold still for just another moment."
Percy sighed and waited, tapping his tail impatiently on the ground. A few seconds later there was a loud blast from the Evil Space Laser of Doom. A massive beam of red laser stuff exploded from the room and launched itself into orbit, where in bounced back and knocked the cage onto the completely flummoxed Percy.
"Bwahahaha! I'll bet you weren't expecting that, Percy the Platypus." I gave another evil cackle as he stared at me blankly. "You see Percy, in just a few moments that laser there," I pointed to the massive beam which was being blasted into the Laser Amplifier of Doom. "Will destroy every taco joint in town. Finally this place will be rid of these intestinal issue inducing fast food places. Never again will I suffer the embarrassment of…well, you get it." I punctuated this with an evil laugh. "Just give it a few hours to sort out it's deep inner problems. Then it's going to cause havoc. Stay put I'm gonna go write a blog about this!"
Then I left him to come and write this. And here I am!
Uh oh…I just heard a crash, I'll be right back…
Sigh…so as it turns out he had a file hidden in his bandana and managed to cut his way all the way through the bars AND destroy my Evil Space Laser of Doom with a large welding torch he found laying around…Curse you Percy…
Also as a side note I would like to address a certain Isaac person. I'm quite unsure as to whether or not he's a fellow evil conspirator or perhaps an agent for the HHH. I remain wary. Anyways, continue with your work Isaac, until such a time that I manage to figure out if you're sufficiently evil or you have some good intentions. In which cases I'll either eliminate you as competition or have to destroy you for good intentions…if I get time.